Thursday, July 30, 2009

Today is a bad day for me.

This morning I felt that there is awkwardness between me & him.
I doubt I still love him, but.
I still care for him.
He will always remain in me.
He is not a friend, lover or an enemy.
He is just someone special.
I don't know why,
But my heart sometimes hurts thinking about him.

Anyways, I really feel like crying now.
First, I really scared I did badly for prelims.
I have been absent for 10 days due to fever.
I miss a lot of lesson.
And I don't know a lot of things.
Second, I can't forget the words he say yesterday.

Even though my emotions are taking over me now.
At least I can still study.
But I just keep feeling scared I did badly for my prelims.
I want to do well.
I got no more tuition.
I have to depend on myself.
Even if most of you say its just prelim.
To me it meant a lot because through prelim I know where I stand.

Oh gosh.
I really feel like crying the whole day.
Prelims is driving me crazy.
Someone talk to me.
I feel like crying.

7:58 PM

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The clock is ticking.
And I still can't make my decision.
I don't really know what to do now.

I seriously need to talk to him .

5:33 PM

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Oh me gosh.
I am addicted to KepadaNYA & Baby Come Back.
All thanks to Haj & nana((:

Today me & haj accompanied Farhanah go Bugis.
I spent a lot of money on food over there.
Gosh!
Anyways, thanks babes for finishing up my fries~
Head to Geylang and search for a bag.
But didn't buy one.
After that we went our separate ways.
Me & Haj went to Bedok Inter to help continue search for a 'better' bag.
And we found 2 for $25 so we decided to buy it.
Accompany Haj wait for her bus before heading home.
Tiring day! And yet got A maths hw.
This is the problem.
When I got an A maths hw.
Please don't ask me out.
I will be damn tired to ransack my brain to do A maths.
Right now I am stuck at Q6 after 1 hour.
I am really beginning to drop this subject!

aishiteru.iloveyou.saranghaeyo.

10:42 PM

iloveyou.
My personal message on MSN.
It really meant for someone.

I went to meet Mayat for a while.
Even though I don't feel like it.
He really said sweet words to me.
And guess what!
My heart was racing when he did something!
OH ME GOSH!
*slap*
Need to concentrate on my homework now!
Prelim is this Friday!
Mayat stop being romantic can?

Shall continue update later.
Want to do A maths!

7:28 PM

Did I ever mention I love to look at Mayat smile whenever he talks.
Just now went to meet him for a while.
Everything seems fine.
Surprisingly, he nak teman me go polyclinic tmr.
Sweet can..
Anyways, the way he bual ngan me is like mataer.
And me act malu-malu to talk to him.
Haha. Macam nak sepak muka!
Bual kat phone rancak tapi bila meet jer malu-malu.
Well, its been like that even the last time we meet.
He told me to bring my A-maths homework down.
He nak teman me until I finish my homework.
But I told him to balik and teman me otp instead.
I just don't want him to waste money on a taxi fare later.
Haha. Ok lah. Shall continue with my A maths homework.

Shall blog when I have the time.

12:26 AM

Sunday, July 26, 2009

You made me speechless again.

It's not that,
I don't care for you,
I do.
But I can't give you,
What you want from me.
I need time,
Sorry.

You don't want us to be in a relationship.
You just want us to be Special Person towards each other.

Guy, you just gave me a heartache.
Tears, kept falling when I was on the phone with you.

11:21 PM

Get well soon Pei Wen!
Basically today my group mates and I did the English project.
Leonid: Oh my god! You look different!
Me got blur
John: Yeah, you look different.
Leonid: You look much more beautiful than how you look at school.
Me: Oh, umm. Thanks
I went to ask the guys
Me: How do I look at school?
Both: Nerd
John: You really look better when outside.
Basically, I cant believe I look like a nerd at school! Among all things, I look like a NERD!
I went home and ask my family and they gave me the same answer! *pfft* Never mind.

Anyways, Leonid got a chinchilla(don't know how to spell it)and its very cute AND EXPENSIVE! It cost like $400! Me gosh. After two hours, we complete the project, like FINALLY! Went home. Then, in the bus on my way home got this guy ask if we can be friends and exchange numbers. I don't know what came over me. I just told him I got a matair. And he still like want to make friend with me. Luckily, Mayat call me saying that he needs to talk to me at night. So basically right now I am on the phone with him and things aren't really good. Shall continue posting later

10:21 PM

Saturday, July 25, 2009

I guess nana((: and haj [jafar] is right.
I changed. A lot.
Its nice to have friends like them.
So, have I revert to my old self?
Or am I still the Hidayah changed?

11:41 PM

I wasn't in a good mood when she start talking to me.
And all the problems just came to me.
I felt like talking to him.
But of course I can't.
*sigh*

Even though I didn't have much of a reaction.
Whatever you said on the phone just now,
Really shocked me.
And perhaps you are right.
I am a coward and stubborn.
*sigh*
I want to run away from you,
But yet I couldn't.
Instead, you made me come closer to you, Mayat...

Now, Diana knows who is Mayat..
Sorry darl's,
I shall keep myself silent until I feel like telling you guys who Mayat is.
*winks*

9:50 PM

[Love this photo! Franco head look so BIG]*tsktsk*

24 July 2009
Went out with Franco to Orchard and Somerset.
Everything was great until I had a toothache and had a hard time to talk.
Anyways, we took bus 36 to go home.
Me being so smart told him to drop at the bus stop after St Patrick School.
We had to take a 20 mins walk to get to the bus stop where there is bus 12!!~
I was damn tired when I reached home..
Luckily I bought Subway cookies!
Yeays!

Craving for Mee Bandung!!!

25 July 2009
It is obvious that I care for Mayat.
But I am not sure if I love him or not.
Oh, whatever!
Better concentrate on studies.
Prelims is just next Friday.
Wish me luck!
To Mayat:
Thanks for being caring even though you are sick!
Take care alrights.
(I will be accompanying Mayat to see doctor, me gosh!)
*Already put a photo for blog, next is a song!!~

6:47 PM

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Today's post will be nonsense~
Sorry Mayat for not having the mood lately. I am not avoiding you neither you did anything wrong. It is just that I need to spent some time alone.
Its seriously is hard to put on a happy face when you are feeling very down in the inside.

Anyways, thanks to my friends for the concern. And sorry to make you guys worried because of me being emo and not wanting to speak out.
But like I said, I am having a hard time wanting to talk to the one whom I trust the most due to some stupid promises being made.

Tomorrow I will be going shopping with a friend of mine. Sort of looking forward to it but I am afraid that I will spoil the happy atmosphere. Haix~

Currently, doing A-maths now.
Hmm, Mayat was right. Whenever I am feeling down I will tend to study the subjects that I dislike (A-maths, science, humantities). Oh me gosh~! Mayat stop being observent can?
By the way, some of you must be thinking who is Mayat.. Haha~ Actually most of you know him already but if you still can't guess who it is. I will reveal about him one day ^^v

9:54 PM

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Oh dear! It seems that I have spread my virus to Mayat!! Haha~ Sorry~ Get well soon ok? If not, I won't go out with you.. *bluehx*

I just don't know why.. But I seem to mind what you think about me..

9:27 PM

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Oh me gosh~
I bhought Teenage magazine..
AND AND AND~ BOYS OVER FLOWERS IS THE POSTER OF THE MONTH~~
WOOOO BIIINNN!!!!!
HOHOS~
Happy~
Cheersss!!
*wink*

4:48 PM

Saturday, July 18, 2009

What happen today totally upsets me.
I didn't expect her to enter my private life.
All this is my fault too.
For keeping all those messages.
But seriously, even though if we are blood related.
Please respect me that I need privacy in life!

Thanks Farhanah a.k.a nana((: and Abang~

11:00 PM

Friday, July 17, 2009

Selama ini kau masih ku simpan di hati,
Perasaan rindu sentiasa ada dalam diriku,
Siang malam wajah mu terpaut di mataku,
Ku ihklas menyayangi mu..

Ku terfikir bahawa ku masih ada dalam dirimu..
Ku tak sangka bahawa ada orang lain yang telah memasuki duniamu..
Seorang gadis yang lebih anggun dariku..
Adakah gadis itu akan mencintaimu lebih dariku?

Perasaan cemburu,
Marah,
Bermain di hatiku,
Namun tiada apa-apa yang bolehku lakukan..

Aku harap kau akan berbahagia bersama dia..
Maafkan ku kerna masih mencintaimu..
Namamu akan masih ku ukirkan dalam hatiku..
Selama-lamanya..
Selamat tinggal sayang..

11:39 PM

To LSF:
You are still a teenager..
It is okay to be confuse..
It is okay to make mistakes..
It is okay for you to be hurt..
No one is useless..
Neither is there anyone who is perfect..
When life is hard,
And you had tough times..
Stay strong and positive..
Through all these,
You will become a better person..
I know that there are a lot of changes in your life..
Which cause you to get hurt..
Crying and being pessimistic,
Will not solve any problem..
Right now, I can still be by your side listening to you..
But once I leave Bedok View, you will have to stand on your own feet...
So please be strong when I am still here...
*Do you know that sometimes when you argue with your own friends, you tend to understand them more?

7:16 PM

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Mayat accompanied me study just now..
And it wasn't helpful at all..
Can't concentrate!!..

Mayat was sooo beylo..
That we just kept laughing..
Gosh~
But thanks to that I am able to study with full energy now~
I miss going out with Mayat!
Looking forward to hang out together again~
XD

Thanks for the advice dead guy
*winks* haha

10:20 PM

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

.........
Oh me gosh~
I won't be going to school for this whole week!

11:42 AM

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Did I mention that I love when he smile showing his teeth..
And his hair..?!?
Basically, I just love every single thing about him..
okok, lets cut the crap..

I think, I will missing school tomorrow again~
Sorie babe's and darl's..
And to those who smsed and called me..
Thanks for being caring..

He called me today..
I just could not tell him the truth..
I am confuse.. I don't know what is right and wrong now..
I don't know who to side..
*sigh*

Going to watch some videos now~

9:25 PM

Basically I slept the whole day yesterday..
I better get well soon~
My O level oral is being postpone, thanks to my fever!~
Still having the headaches now.. Feel like sleeping again..
Omg~

My temperature is rising~

11:21 AM

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Bestie,
I really hope you understand my situation..
I do care for you..
But I can't be there for you in the moment,
I can't hang out, have fun or help you now..
I need you to understand my situation..
I want to do the best for my future..
Right now I am also coping with my own problems..
You are the closest to me,
And you should know what I am going through..
I know I have broken promises between us,
And I really feel guilty about it..
But I have my own reason for breaking those promises..
When the time is right,
I shall explain everything to you..
Sorry

Now I realise that there is something common between us..

9:30 PM

Oh me gosh!~~
So damn pissed with him right now!!!
I can't believe he can still argue with me!
Everybody is busy! And everybody have their own problems!

1st excuse: I was busy studying for the upcoming prelims.
Like hellooo!! Who isn't busy!?!
Prelims is in 2 weeks time..
John is busy this weekend due to Church activities..
Both of us got MT oral this coming Monday..
And F.Y.I.. You didn't even take MT! So who is much more busy??

2nd excuse: I am having problems and got no mood to do it.
HAH! Everybody have their own problems..
That day our group members called me saying that they got no mood..
Even though their research was not good enough at least they make the effort to do it!
Go and finish up the damn project and I will listen to your whining later!
And its not only you who is having the heartbroken right now! Sheesh~

Thanks to you everything is being delayed!
And seriously I was shock! You told me that I wasn't being a good leader..
We were only given 3 days to finish up the project! And each of us just have to do research for 1 and 1/2 days.. I am giving enough time ok! I gave out most of the ideas, I need to organise all the research into the brouchure and all you need to do is just research! How hard can that job be!?

I didn't slept the whole night..
Kept practising for my upcoming oral..
And also did some physics..
I feel veryy tired right now..
But yet I still can't sleep..
Panda eyes on me~! @_@"

10:03 AM

Kekasih,
Pertama kali engkau hadir di dalam duniaku,
Aku tahu bahawa segalanya akan berubah.
Hatiku telah dikunci dan tidak akan ke mana-mana,
Kerna kunci itu sekarang milikmu.
Dan jika kunci itu hilang satu hari nanti,
Aku berjanji bahawa tiada orang lain yang dapat menjelajahi kehidupanku.
Tiada siapa yang dapat mengganti dirimu; engkaulah kekasihku.
Tanpa dirimu di sisiku siapalah diriku ini.
Ketika aku bersendirian, terasa kesunyian yang membelahi ku.
Engkau sebagai lilin yang menerangi perjalananku.
Aku ingin menggunakan kesempatan masa yang tersingkat ini,
Untuk meluahkan segalanya dari lubuk hatiku.
Diri ini benar, tulus menyintaimu sayang..

Dulu pernah ku menghantarkan mesej ini pada mu..
Tidak pernah sekali aku membenci mu..
Tidak pernah sekali aku melupakan mu..
Kerna hati ini akan selalu mencintakan mu..
Dan akan tetap merindui mu..
Hati ku yang dikunci ini masih milikmu..
I masih sayangkan you, Muhammad Khaalis..
You are everything to me..

12:04 AM

Saturday, July 11, 2009

What happen today was so unexpected..

Boy..
I just can't forget about him..
I love him a lot..
Till no one can replace him..

I can never forget about Khaalis..

I am sorry..

To bull:
Seriously, pada pendapat I, you lebih hansome dari abang you sendiri.. So, don't you dare change your hairstyle.. Just remain that way.. Cause to me you are already perfect..

8:37 PM

I revealed everything to him..
Its hard for me to keep things away from him..
I just had to tell him the truth..

As I was on my way to his place to meet him,
My heart just began to race for no reason..
I just had a feeling that something 'bad' will happen,
And it did..
Before leaving,
I wasn't able to get the things that I wanted..
It really broke my heart..
Worst still,
I told him that I still have feelings for him..

I really wish to know if he really have feelings for me or not..

This heart still beats for only one person...

1:07 AM

Friday, July 10, 2009

Thanks for helping me out Joker~
I am soo missing him~ Haha~

4:11 PM

Thursday, July 9, 2009

I will stick to my Woo Bin..
So, no worries babe..

Anyways, had a late night talk with Henry last night.. It was a fun talk.. We just keep arguing about the musics that we like and saying which one is better.. I got to admit that he got talents in him.. Joker~

Terlalu mencintanya
Sampai rela kuberpisah
Sampai rela kubiarkannya pergi
Terlalu mencintanya
Kubiarkan hati ini tertusuk perih
Asal dia bahagia
Asal dia tersenyum dan melupakanku
Pergilah kau, pujaan hatiku
Walau penuh dengan derai airmata
Kubiarkan dikau pergi
Untuk menyambut bahagiamu

9:44 PM

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

You will never know how much that person meant to you till you lose them..

I was seriously shock and angry for what you said..

Who do you think friends are!? Rubbish?

For three years he cares for you and be by your side when you need him.. So what if he can't accept for who you are right now.. He just need time.. If you don't change that attitude of yours, you are going to lose more people that are precious to you..

Love between teenagers, comes and go..

9:01 PM