Starlight Tears

2010-05-31T00:00:00.002+08:00

It's been a month since we last met.
My feelings for you grew deeper.
I didn't expect this to happen.
You shatter my dreams & hopes.

But this will never stop me from loving you.
I wish you happiness.
Stay happy Farhan..

2010-03-24T13:03:00.001+08:00

I guess I'm in love..
I guess I'm not..
Well, love is complicated..
Anyways, I'm creating a new blog where
I will right down my thoughts and feelings..
Or I will post about people giving advices..
So it will be a complicated blog.. Hope to finish it by tonight!

2010-03-21T23:16:00.002+08:00

Boy (NS)
Sorry guy..
To tell you the truth I only like you as a special friend.
No more No less..
I was shock, when you ask me to say those words to you..
I can't...
I can never lie to myself..
I only have feelings for Khaalis..
I can't return those feelings of yours...
Forget me if you have to..
...............................................................................................................

& people around me say..
Be friend with him..
You may last longer..

2010-03-20T01:00:00.002+08:00

Life is so confusing for me..
For one moment I care for him a lot..
The next moment I felt he is unforgiveable..
But the strange thing is no matter how many times he hurt my feelings or time me.
My feelings for him never fade..
Yes, he got the looks that I love the most..
He got the kind attitude which I find it rare yet touching..
What can I say.. I am so into Khaalis..!

2010-03-18T01:57:00.002+08:00

Oh me gosh!!
Something is wrong with my life..
I am really close to people with mostly start with the letter "A", "F" or "H"
And when it comes to love or friendship.. Being with A & F are the 'scariest'..
Wanna know why.. Shall continue next time..
Shall go to LALA land now.. ZZZzzzz

2010-03-17T02:52:00.002+08:00

Ok, I shall promise myself to continue blog-ging..
I really feel sorry for boyfriend when he have to hear my complains..
Some how it's good also he didnt respond to me.
Or else we might argue..

Life is getting really boring..
Or should I say lonely?
Yea, I know I talked more on MSN then in the reality..
That's why I prefer to be a stay-home teenager..
But I had to work.. Or else no money goes into my pocket..
So that's how my life gets lonely..

I just want to share something with who-ever is reading my blog..
Love is blind and something stupid..
But if you cry & got hurt because of someone..
That shows you love that person..
& when you love that person just confess it..
Don't be afraid to do things that you think that is right,
Even though if by the end of the day you're wrong..
Coz everyone makes mistakes over and over agn...
What can I say?
Love is stupid, love hurts.. but still love keep you smiling for no reason..

ps: I love you Muhammad Khaalis..

2010-01-11T00:17:00.002+08:00

I miss blogging.
And for no reason, I miss Nana laughter.
Weird kan? Haha.
Ouh, tomorrow is result day.
I am not anxious or anything about it.
I just can't wait to get over it.
Get what I mean?
Ouh, never mind!

Ouh, and seriously right now I am damn pissed with someone.
I can't believe you did it behind your guy back!
You didn't even feel sorry. & you pushed the blame to him.
So much of your loyalty.
And totally you're stupid and blind!

2009-12-14T09:36:00.002+08:00

13th Dec
I went to a seminar with SH & MN
I really miss them a lot!
Jokes, KFC, Laughter, Boredom occupy our day.
Hope to hang out with them again soon.

After the seminar I waited for SH & MN outside Victoria hall.
While waiting, a guy approached me.
(He was sitting in the front row from where I was sitting)
We had a small chat (in malay).
Guy: Hi! You're Eddy niece right?
I just smile and nod my head
Guy: How old are you? Interested in working in working here?
Me: Nope. You guess?
Guy: Hmm 19? 20?
I just shook my head.
Guy: Your status?
I kept silent for a moment & joked.
Me: I got a guy (Khaalis) with a daughter (Niki)
He only smiled and asked when I was married!?
I told him the whole truth.
I was glad he wished for my 4th month.

Told everything to SH & MN.
They laugh their ass off!
Lol.
Thanks for the fun guys!

Better go get change.
Working later...
Baby, I miss you..

2009-12-13T22:29:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 4TH MONTH SAYANG

2009-12-11T19:51:00.002+08:00

Aku hanya mendiamkan diri.
Hati ku penuh dengan perasaan bingung.
Perlindungan?
Tidak...
Aku tidak perlu perlindungan dari dia.
Tapi... Mengapa aku memilih dia..?

Ku hanya tahu bahawa aku tidak mahu kehilangan dia.
Aku mahu sentiasa di sisi dia,
Walaupun keadaan itu pahit..
Aku mahu dia sentiasa gembira..
Walaupun hati ini disakiti..
Ape sebenarnya erti cinta?

2009-12-10T15:28:00.002+08:00

I do not want any misunderstanding to occur.
I understand the situation.
But helping you will really cause misunderstanding,
Between friends, family & our boyfriend/girlfriend.
Sorry for not being able to help you.

2009-12-07T19:08:00.002+08:00

My heart, My soul.
The only one for me.
Muhammad Khaalis.

ps: Sorry for my attitude today.

2009-12-03T22:30:00.003+08:00

I figured it out actually you don't need me.
You ignore talking to me half way.
But it's okay.
I know my position.
I can understand how you feel,
Coz it's not me whom you love.
Whoever you want to be with right now.
Go ahead.
But don't forget me who is still loving you.

Stop giving me hope.

2009-11-19T19:07:00.002+08:00

TP Rawkz was great.
More updates shall be @ my private blog.
.................
First day of work was great.
Although there is still a lot of things for me to learn.
Anyways, thanks for making my day.
You were a great help.
.................

To Someone:
Read my letter already?
I hope that explains everything.
All the reasons to your questions I have answered.
Thanks?

2009-11-17T22:03:00.003+08:00

When the first time I fall for you.
I thought I could keep my feelings silent.
But in the end I didn't.
You got to know my feelings.
& we got together.
For a moment I was happy back there.
I get to spent my time with you.
I was even hoping that I will be with you till the day I die.
Even though I knew that will not happen.

Sometimes the way you respond or treat me, hurts.
Nevertheless, I still appreciate you.
& continue to love you.
"If you love that person, their happiness is most important"
You taught me that. & I kept it in mind.
Maybe.. You have never love me from the beginning.
After you taught me that.
I stay on with the relationship.
Because I love you.

I never blame you for anything, not even once.
Because I am the one who is falling for you.
That's why I always thanks you for all the good things you have done in my life.
I start wearing tudung because of you.
I start to trust people because of you.
Basically,
Because of you, I am who I am now.
Thanks for the things you did.
You are the best boyfriend anyone could ever have.

Jika cinta itu tiada,
Cakap dengan I.
Dengan keihklasan hati ini,
I akan doakan agar U sentiasa bahagia,
Dengan insan yang you cintai.

2009-11-15T19:54:00.002+08:00

It's been long since I last blog.
I just checked my boyfriend Facebook account.
And it just make me laugh.
His pose was as if he is a 'good' or 'shy' person.
And let just say he look very cute!
Cuter than my Mimi (Farhanah) or Titi (Hajjar)..
*laugh*...
Anyway, I don't really like those photos!
Khaalis should know why..
Better go work out now!
I want my body to get a nicer hour glass shape!
work it out work it out babey!

2009-11-08T20:25:00.003+08:00

& I thought you gave up trying to contact me.
Yes, I am avoiding you.
Or shall I say I'm avoiding a lot of guys?
Except for My guy, Franco, Riri & Zul..
So don't bother to waste your money on sms-ing/calling me.

Excluding relatives, boyfriend & friends.
Ever feel bored of entertaining the opposite sex?
Well, I do.
Don't bother asking me why.

ps: The more I want to trust you, the more you made feel I shouldn't.

2009-11-04T12:49:00.003+08:00

I was shock when someone tag my 'private' blog.
Where not much people know about it.
Lols. Deleted that blog anyway.
................................................................................
Thanks for cheering me up yesterday!
Spent my day with Has yesterday.
Thanks for cheering me up & belanja me makan..
The advice you told me, I shall remember it well.
Yayah sayang you.
You are the best!
Haha.
ps: Has refers to Favourite Aunt yg kat Simei. haha

2009-11-03T20:22:00.002+08:00

Each day is an endless parade to a destination unknown,
Life leading you on an unknown path not clearly shown,
Some parts of your path may be rugged and steep,
And others have crevasses infinitely deep.

There are time on your journey where to go, you know not,
For in the dense fog, your body is caught.
Unable to see what lies ahead of the way,
Uncertain when this haze will eventually stray.

Therea re times when I am caught in this confusion, too,
Not knowing where to go, not knowing what to do.
But no matter how dense the fog when I turn to see,
You smiling face looking back at me.

With reassurance in your glance,
I know you'll always be there,
Only one step behind,
Each step taken with care.

I hope that you know, when you are lost in the mist,
Feeling unloved, alone and not being missed,
That if you glance back, you will find,
That I will always be there, only one step behind..

2009-11-02T01:04:00.002+08:00

Whoever bother Mimi, Riri & Titi..
Are so going to be in trouble.. Curse you!
*pfft*
Since when did I became like this?
......................................................................
Now I understand my own feeling.
Even though love can never exist between us.
All I wanted was just to be with him.
This is the path I choose.
The path I step on.
I shall just go on with it.

Thanks Mimi for always keeping me busy.
So I won't be that hurt through the day.

My world is always full of lies.

2009-11-01T00:09:00.003+08:00

Thinking of you.
Teletubby rocks!!
......................
I don't like to be a scandal but I got no choice.
I don't like anyone to be my scandal so buzz off!
As simple as that.
I don't flirt. I am just friendly.
I don't contact & entertain guys always.
Mimi & Titi are my friends whom I talked & entertain everyday.
Don't ever get the wrong thinking.
Want to know more about me?
Then, start reading the book instead of judging its cover!
Lastly, I love my family, Khaalis & friends.
Damn you, if you talk bad about them!

2009-10-31T03:28:00.002+08:00

Maturity begins to grow when you can
sense your concern for others outweighing
your concern for yourself.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.
Only through experience of trial & suffering
can the soul be strengthened, ambition,
inspired and success achieved.

Don't be afraid to do things that you think it's right.
You will learn what is life all about.
And you will know what kind of life you will be going through.

2009-10-29T17:27:00.003+08:00

The feelings sucks.
I felt I was 'useless'.
I didn't know what to do..
I was shock to hear all the different news.
I want to be there for you guys.
But I only ended saying "Cheer Up" , "Don't be to stress"
& "I will be here for you if you need me".
I know the words are not helping.
But at the same time I didn't know what to do.
It worries me to see you guys upset and moody.
I wish I could do something to cheer you guys up.
If there is anything I can do..
Tell me okies?
To A friend of mine:
I heard the news from him.
Sorry about your mom.
& sorry for not saying anything.

2009-10-28T10:54:00.002+08:00

Huz called yesterday.
And he finally found his special someone,
Congratulations (:
Had a short chat with him.
I owe him a big THANK YOU.
Those advices sounds really helpful.
I will try to apply it to my current relationship.

Being attached to Khaalis is one thing I will never regret.

2009-10-27T21:36:00.006+08:00

Mengenalimu,
Adalah suatu keindahan dalam hidupku,
Kau hadir pada ku saat-saat,
Ku memerlukan mu..

Setiap hari kau menyinari hariku,
Yang suram selama ini..
Dengan gelak tawa & gurauan manjamu,
Membuat hatiku menyintai mu lebih dalam lagi.

Tapi ku sedar siapa diriku disisimu,
Ku bukan gadis yang kau mencari,
& Bukan gadis yang kau mahu memiliki,
Ku tahu selama ini ku hanya seorang teman di sisimu.

Dalam kegelapan,
Perasaan rindu dan kasih sayang,
Akan ku pendamkan...
Itu sahaja yang ingin ku ucapkan padamu wahai Kekasihku.

2009-10-26T20:14:00.003+08:00

Something is wrong with me today.
I kept thinking about Khaalis.
Memories of us just keep coming through my mind.
My heart just began to beat fast thinking about him.
What is wrong with me?
It's like wherever I go.
I keep thinking about him!
What does this mean!?!

2009-10-25T22:34:00.002+08:00

Truth hurts but it solves everything.

Ever wonder why I sayangkan u seorang?
Walaupun I was never love by u?
There are lots of reasons why I sayangkan you.
But today I will only say one.

I wonder if you realise about this...
When a guy two time for their own reason.
They don't care about the girl's feelings at all.
They just keep giving excuses.
But you were different.
Bila you two time...
You still care about your girls feelings.
You were there for them when they need it.
You are a caring person.
You take precaution of what they wear.
You want them not to attract attention
That shows you are attentive.
There were time where you listen to your girls problems.
And give advices or do things what is right or best for them.
You are being understanding & a good listener.
Even though in my opinion, what you did was wrong.
But you were still a thoughtful person.
That was one of the reasons I love you.
Your character made me fall for you.

In this world no one is perfect,
Nor is anyone is always right.
Everyone makes mistake.
Everyone hurt each other feelings.

You were different from others.
For that I love you for who you are.
I faham bahawa bukan I di hati you sekarang.
I akan doakan satu hari nanti you akan temui,
Seorang wanita pilihan you.
The one you akan sayangkan dia seluruh hati you.
The one you want to go through thick and thin with that person.
Insyallah.

2009-10-23T23:11:00.007+08:00

To: Bibi, Mimi & Titi

You turned my darkness into light;
You made everything all right.
You picked me up when I was down;
You turned my life around.
If I didn't have you, what would I be?
A blessing is what you are to me.

When I needed you the most, you were there;
Even if it seemed like you didn't care.
When I didn't think I could make it another day,
You chased all my doubts away.
If I didn't have you, what would I be?
A treasure is what you are to me.

The world is full of many people, it's true;
But there is only one of you.
You fill my heart with love;
You're a God-sent gift from above.
If I didn't have you, what would I be?
An angel is what you are to me.

Lost and alone, I will no longer be;
Because you are here with me.
There is no reason to be sad;
You've taken away all the bad.
If I didn't have you, what would I be?
A best friend is what you are to me!!

2009-10-20T10:35:00.005+08:00

Muhammad Khaalis a.k.a Bull

You're the thought that starts each morning,
The conclusion to each day.
You are in all that I do,
& everything I say.

You're the smile on my face,
The twinkle in my eye.
The warmth inside my heart,
The fullness in my life.

You're my silly, mature, caring,
Thoughtful, Bright & lovable guy.
The one who is always there for me,
& make me smile.

You're the dimple in my cheek,
The ever-constant tingle in my soul.
The voice that makes me weak,
The happiness in my life.

You are all I've wanted,
You are all I need.
You are all I've dreamed of,
You are all of this to me.

2009-10-18T23:08:00.003+08:00

Quite a lot of things happen today.
So kecoh at my facebook.
Whatever it is.
Please stop interfering; some of you.
................................................................................................
To My Dear Bubbles;
I believe right now he is still thinking about you.
Yes, he may love that ***** more than you.
But ever heard a friendship last longer that relationships?
I believe one day he will be back with you again.
Have trust in him.
& be have lots of patience okay?.
You are such a fun, loving, caring person.
Everybody loves you.
Always stay happy my dear friend
Cheerful & Wacky is who you are (:
Hid, akan slalu doakan untuk you.. Sayang bubbles..

2009-10-15T18:33:00.002+08:00

I got to admit.
But seriously I am tired of entertaining guys.
Excluding my friends & family.
And the ones who are attached.
I am not trying to say it is wrong to make friends with me.
But I dislike it when they ask to exchange numbers.
To me, once an online friend please remain as an online friend.
Unless I began to get really close and trust you.
And when I exchange numbers.
Please bear in mind that, I won't reply to all your msgs~

Today, someone totally pissed me off.
You know I am attached.
And you still have the cheeks to keep asking me out.
And keep this in mind. I still love him.
Yes.
I got to admit that my guy don't meet or entertain me.
But still I am under the category "ATTACHED"
Oh. One last thing.
Stop being pampered!
I am not your sister, mother or girlfriend.
I close my eye for this time round.
But please don't do that again.

Damn it.
Tired after all that work.
Went to meet Franco after that.
I really apologise for my attitude today.

2009-10-14T23:26:00.002+08:00

I was on the phone from 12midnight until 4.45am.
After that I slept till 12 noon.
So as expected.
I didn't went school..
In my opinion...
Going to school this days is useless unless got Q's to be asked.
If not better start depending on self study..
Tired right now.
Lazy go MSN and entertain 'some' people.
That's for now..
Shall blog again if I feel like it later.

2009-10-12T22:41:00.002+08:00

I didn't expect it.
I have never grown feelings for others.
I always treat you guys like friends.
I still love my boyfriend.
No matter how much this heart aches.
It's Khaalis whom I think of.
I didn't want to do that.
But I had to do it to avoid you getting more hurt.

To ask or not to ask..
Farhan to be my elder god bro..
Hmms.

2009-10-12T07:20:00.004+08:00

Talked to him on the phone in less than 2 minutes,
& He told me to call him back at around 2 or 3am.
And I did, yet no answer.
What was I expecting?
In that less than two minutes talk,
I said how much I miss him.
I can't believe he thinks that I was talking nonsense.
I had to let this feeling all out.
It's been long since I cried this much.
I understand the situation he is in.
But all I ever ask was just for us to meet even for a while.
Is it so much to ask for?
How much longer am I suppose to keep this feeling?
Khaalis, I am really missing you.
.........................
Farhan accompany me that night.
I didn't told him anything.
All he did was trying his best to cheer me up.
And he did.
I was finally able to sleep at 5am.
Thanks, Farhan...

2009-10-10T23:20:00.002+08:00

Gosh. Farhan keep pushing me to study!
So far I only study E-maths & A-maths.
Did I just mention A-maths?
Haha. One of the subject that I hate.
Yet I still study about it.
Good right??

Farhan, Faizal, Fadzli, Firdaus, Faieqq, Franco, Faris, Farhanah..
If you guys realize this few close friends of mine
Had their names start with the letter,
'F'.
Why? Why so many 'F'!?!

2009-10-05T19:31:00.002+08:00

All I ever wanted was to talk to you.

2009-10-03T20:40:00.004+08:00

Missing my Dear Muhd Khaalis.
Nearly 3 weeks never see him.
And in 9 days time it will be our second month together.
Not really worth saying.
But this time I really feel that our relationship is different.
I can't help it but to love him a lot.
...................................................................................................................

Even though it was only for like 3 months.
I still appreciate that friendship.
Yea, you did made me fall for you once.
But my heart is locked only for my guy.

ps: I will see you again before you leave.

2009-10-02T11:09:00.003+08:00

Finally, I was able to quote what Shu said in the movie..

"Kadang-kadang Allah sembunyikan Matahari.
DIA datangkan petir dan kilat.
Kita tertanya-tanya ke mane hilang nya Matahari,
Rupa-rupanya Allah memberikan kita pelangi."

..............................................................................................................................

Later, going out with Franco Ho.
Help him shop a while.
Well, it's been a while I get a break.
So I guess it's not wrong to hang out for one day.
Gosh, Franco will be the last I hang out with.
O level in 20 more days people.

2009-10-01T21:49:00.001+08:00

MY NEW IDOL!
Awal Ashaari
Host and a Model
I just love his smile!
Main actor for Syurga Cinta!
*melts*

2009-09-30T23:19:00.002+08:00

Kadang-kadang Allah sembunyikan Matahari.
DIA datangkan petir dan kilat.
Kita tertanya-tanya ke mane hilang nya Matahari,
Rupa-rupanya Allah memberikan kita tumpuan.

Okies, actually I can't quote what Shu said in the movie.
Everytime, I am down. Syurga Cinta & Chocolates is the cure.
Sort of works for me.
Gosh. I know I am being religious this days,
But I like the way I am now.
For those who can't accept the new me or who I am now..
It is okay.. I understand..

2009-09-29T19:27:00.002+08:00

To: -Joker Guy-
Thanks for the care & concern.
But please.. Just let it be..
He is still my boyfriend.
He is still the one whom I love.
He is the one who I think of each day.
Hope you understand what I am trying to say..
...............................................................................................................

All I wanted was to be by your side.
I am still confuse.. Am I suppose to let him go?

2009-09-28T23:34:00.003+08:00

Currently thinking about him.
I really feel like breaking up.
But to think back,
If he does have feelings for me,
Wouldn't a break up just give him more problems?
I want to do what's best for him.
I only want him to smile.
It's time for me to talk to him face to face.

Patience is the key.
.................................................................................

School seems to be okay~
I can't believe I got Tan Yock Sew for English.
So not looking forward to tomorrow! Ho Mui Lian lesson!
BOREDOM!! But no choice Maths is after Chemistry.
Life can never get better~

2009-09-28T00:41:00.002+08:00

After I kissed Niki fur.
My lips got swollen..!
Gosh..
Is it allergies or what?
ITCHY!!!

...................................................

O level nearby..
And I am dead with the subjects!
A MATHS, SCI & COMBINE HUMANS..
die die die!
Why my tuition teacher last min say cannot teach anymore!!
Great~

2009-09-26T20:49:00.002+08:00

I do not know what has gotten into me.
I am so pissed with myself.
I better stay away from boyfriend for a moment.
I just kept doing things that are irritating towards him!
Better make myself busy with studies now.
Erghhh... Really hate myself now!

2009-09-26T14:37:00.009+08:00

One thing for sure.

I would never want to lose him.
Only Huz, knows what I am talking about..

Hidayah ♥ Khaalis

ps: my guy lebih handsome dari die can! haha

2009-09-24T23:20:00.002+08:00

NiKi
This is NiKi.
Known as 'Spider-Cat'.
My 'Baby'.
A few months old. Female.
Troublesome at times.
But Adorable!
NiKi cuteness is irresistible.

2009-09-22T23:42:00.002+08:00

I was shock when Huz asked me out & bought for me a new scarf (a belated bdae gift)!
I quite like it.
I mean, it is quite sweet of him.
What I liek about him is that he teaches me the value of life.
Ouh. Did I mention I love his smile?
So menenangkan hati.
Did admire him for a moment.
But I still love Khaalis.
Thanks for the friendship.
He asked me out again. But better not go out with him.
Thanks for sending me back home, Huz.. (:

2009-09-20T16:17:00.002+08:00

I know I am going to lose you.
I am no where beyond your reach anymore.
I can tell you already have feelings for another girl.
I knew that this is going to happen.
I even told myself to be ready when this happen.
But why does it hurt so much?
Why am I still crying over you?
Why is my mind still lingering around you?
Why do you mean so much to me?
Why did I love you?
Right now I am tryingmy best to stay strong.
I am holding on to my tears.
This year, why every happy occasion turns out to be sad for me....

2009-09-16T22:15:00.002+08:00

I lack of understanding.
Or maybe its fasting month.
So I am making ourself futher a part.
I don't know.
I just need a friend to push me to study until fasting month is over.

p.s. I don't want to rely on you anymore. You help me to much. Friendship can be so confusing.

2009-09-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

READ MY LIPS!
I ONLY LOVE MUHAMMAD KHAALIS!

2009-09-15T20:18:00.002+08:00

To Someone:

I have no feelings for you.

I only see you as a friend.

No more no less.

Stop asking me to two time.

I am not who you think I am.

I have block you from MSN.

& deleted your number.

Please don't bother me anymore.

Or I would have to change my number.

Where is the love?

2009-09-13T15:55:00.000+08:00

Happy 1 Month Anniversary.

Basically nothing happen.
Anyways, thanks for the present Franco.
I really LOVE teddy bear!
He also bought the color that I like.
Shall post the teddy on facebook~
THANKS YOU FRANCOOO!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

Less than 1 hour till my birthday is over.
& till 1st month with him.

Today was great.
Grandpa was discharge from hospital!
He kept his promise alrights.
Thanks guys for wishing me "Happy Birthday" through sms-ing (not according to time)
-Farhanah
-Rudin
-Hajjar
-Franco
-Didi
-Fadzli
-John
-Feeza
-Bob
-Nazmi
-Nura
-DR Luke
-Ex-Midastars

Ex-Midastar! You guys were great.
Thanks for the SURPRISE.
I really appreciate it.
The cake was nice too.
Next is the October babies birthday!
Looking forward to it!
*Photos on Facebook*

shall continue later

2009-09-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

Today was very very tiring.
I had to send Grandpa to hospital.
My dreams are coming true..
It saddens me.
I hope and pray nothing bad will happen to Grandpa.
I lost someone last year.
I do not want to lose him this year.

Grandpa was sweet.
He wipe away my tears when I cried.
He promise that he will stay on longer so he will see me smile.

Didi,
You have been a great help.
Thanks for the concern.

2009-09-10T00:57:00.003+08:00

Why does blogger work well during midnight?

I realise I keep drinking sweet drinks for break fast.
Today I drank Coke, Pepsi, chrysanthemum tea & milk .
My stomach don't feel well now.
& it seems I am getting a flu soon.

Study date with Darling tomorrow.
I miss her so much.
Its been like two months we last saw each other.
I hope she can stay till breakfast.

It's been long since I last wear it.
I really had a hard decision.
By wearing it back,
I would have to change again.
Life is never easy.

2009-09-08T23:48:00.001+08:00

To someone:
I always wanted to rely on you.
You are one of my friend whom I always trust.
I always want to voice 'it' out.
But I just couldn't.
Everytime I want to say something.
I felt as if I shouldn't rely on you.

Am I a burden to you?
Or am I no one to you?
Now I am still strong.
But one day, I will crumble & fall.
Will you be there for me?
Or will you just leave me alone and let me suffer?

2009-09-07T17:49:00.000+08:00

To MHD:
I hope you like the present.
Sorry for what I said.
I didn't meant to hurt your feelings.
But it's best for us.

2009-09-06T11:45:00.000+08:00

Just finish doing part of my house chores.
Tired!!
Anyways, heading to Geylang later to collect stuff.
Gosh. Better wake Sayang up at 2pm, since he coming along.
How long has it been since me & him go out together..
Ouh ouh. I miss him a lot can.

I need a break. Just for a day.

2009-09-01T11:32:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought I want to go out today,
Mummy ask me do housechores.
Sucks!
Not in a mood for spring cleaning can!
Hmms. lazy.

Nikki is getting naughty.
Macam my Sayang. Haha.
Kaki takle diam. *giggles*
Sayang, I really miss you a lot.

Countdown. 10 more days to meet my Darlingss!
Ouh, my class is going to have another class chalet next week.
Bad day alrights. & I have a feeling they going to make it at end of year.
Gosh. Not money again!

It's so long never go out & have fun.
I know it's not the right time.
But sometimes I just need a day out!

To someone(MHD):
You misunderstood. I still love my Sayang.

To some people.

2009-08-31T22:52:00.000+08:00

There are somethings that are better not known.

2009-08-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

Mayat talked to me today all of a sudden,
It was quite shocking.
Well, we are friends, so it doesn't matter.
Ignore the past...
Haha. Tak sangka he miss talking to me.
Lols, I having PMS, so Mayat had to layan my nonsense all the way!
Even though the talk is short, it was interesting.

Anyways, some people really misunderstood.
Between my Sayang & Darling.
Gosh. They are two different people!
Darling understand what I mean.
Haha. Thanks Darl, for spotting my spelling error.
But I lazy change. Hehe. Try to come on the 11 Sep okies.

2009-08-29T20:49:00.000+08:00

Great! PMS!
Right now I really miss my Sayang,
Wish to talk with him on the phone.
But I know I should not.
Hmms.
Wondering what is he doing now.

Gosh, I was dying to read the book "Rona"
By Cikgu Ishak. & Haj forget to bring it.
No books to read for weekends! Bored!!
Somemore I very lazy to head down to Library!
Haj, better don't forget to bring on Mon alrights.

Ouh, I am counting down!
Let's see.. 14 more days till sweet 16 is gone!!
Heehee.. & 13 more days to meet my Darlings again.
Gosh. I miss them banyak banyak!
We heading down to KFC @ Paya Lebar!
The place where we always eat donner together in the past.
That will be a memory I will never forget!!
LOOKING FORWARD!!! Woooots~

2009-08-25T19:34:00.000+08:00

He called.
I couldn't even say a word.
I just kept quiet listening to him.
I miss him and yet I do not show it.
I love him and yet I did not say it.
Saying powerful words means a lot.
And it is very hard to say it out.

I regret.

For what I told you two days ago.

The truth is, I was jealous.

I know I do not have the rights to feel that way.

But I can't help it.

2009-08-21T20:46:00.000+08:00

I only got prompt twice for Oral.
Is that good or not? Hmms.
Nvm, shall concentrate on what's next,
Which is Malay prelim.
Whatever happens around me,
Dissapoint me a lot.
Not only I lost you.
But I lost others too.
I don't need anyone to understand me.
I just need someone to be there for me.
Right now, I don't know how long I will stand.
I keep letting time pass by, without thinking of gaining it back.
I am sorry for the change.
Turning back to the old Hidayah, will just make me fall.
You will never know what I feel. You will never know what I think. So just let it be.

2009-08-20T18:02:00.000+08:00

I miss him to much.
Its been nearly 3 days.
Not a word from him.

Even though I did not pass my S.S & History.
I know I have improved.
Now I have to buck up in other subject too!

To certain people:
You guys know what am I feeling lately.
I have no time for jokes or entertainment.
Leave me a lone for the time being, okay?

ps: All I need is just for you to understand me.

2009-08-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

To Someone whom I was close with once,
I know.
The Hidayah whom you once knew, changed.
I do not want to say anything.
Cause you might find it as an excuse.
But whatever it is.
You are still my friend.
I will be by your side, when you have problems.
Or when you need someone to talk to.
Whatever I think about you.
I shall keep that comment to myself.
For now, I shall end my message here.

For most of my friends,
I know I have stop hanging out with most of you.
I need time to be alone.
If you guys think I spent most of time with my boyfriend.
Then, YOU ARE WRONG!
ps: On MSN & reality. I am two different person.

2009-08-19T20:41:00.000+08:00

Family
Everything became worst this year.
A lot of shocking happenings.
Which made me stress & broke down into tears.
However, there is still some good things.
I got a new younger sister.
Really looking forward to meet her.

Studies
I regret coming to Sec 5.
For Prelims, I am last for every subject.
It really sucks.
However, for O level I shall study harder.
Instead of aiming not to be last in class.
I shall aim to get better grades.

Friends
Its getting harder to trust most of you.
Its getting harder to tolerate with some of your behaviors.
But that does not mean, I hate you guys.
You guys still meant a lot to me.
Even though there bad things happen between us,
The good memories will always remain within.

Boyfriend
You tolerate my nonsense.
You hurt and heal my heart.
Don't ask me why,
Iloveyou.
& I miss every single thing about you.

2009-08-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

Went to Temasek Polytechnic today.

Boyfriend, thanks for the treat and accompanying me.
Your friends are really cool and funny. Don't forget to mention friendly too.
Anyways, I want to do better in Maths than you!
Since you got B3 for your O level.
So I must get B3, A2 or A1.
Which I hope is possible.
Gosh. You teach me Vectors while I teach you Sets, can?

Prelims are over.
Confirm, I will have a lot of failing grades.
And even though there will be a lot of last minute revision.
I shall not give up hope. *peace*

Guy,
You are to young to understand me.
I know you are shock when you heard the news.
But lets see each other as friends okay?
Take cares.

2009-08-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

Well, Physics & Chemistry paper was quite okay.
Luckily I studied.
*peace*
Looking forward to 19 August 2009!
Malay O level result will be on that day!
Gosh. Please give me a B3 and above.

I keep reading novel this few days.
Gosh, I miss reading books!
I wish someone would buy for me a novels as a birthday present!
I love reading suspense, horror and romance stories!
Hmms. I better start revising on Combine Humanities!
I did made improvement in History, now I want make improvement in Social Studies too!
Boyfriend, please help in my maths can?

I know you keep having projects.
And have to keep sleeping late.
But don't be to stress okay?
Jiayo!

2009-08-12T21:47:00.000+08:00

After what happen today.
It really kills me.

Boy,
When you enter my life.
I realise so many things.
Even though we had similarities.
After hearing you, I felt my life was so fake.
Why didn't I get to know you earlier.?
The more I know you. The more stronger the feelings grow.
Without even telling, you knew I had problems.
You make me confuse. You make me regret.
Why do I feel you mean so much to me?

Gal,
You are one of my friend whom I trust.
Please ignore this past of mine.
I don't want to remember it.
I am already tangle in a spider web.
I know you are angry for what I did.
I am sorry.
I don't know how to explain to you the situation.
But I just hope you close an eye about it for now.

2009-08-11T21:35:00.000+08:00

I really regret for what happen today.
I was to shy that I ran off instead of meeting you.
Gosh. Anyways, Nurul! I miss you babe! You owe lots of hugs!

I don't really know what to do now.
I am stubborn. Ego? Maybe?
Give me time to think.

Boy, I miss the date 11 July 2009.

2009-08-09T12:02:00.000+08:00

8 Aug 2009
Went shopping with Kai Jie last minute.
First we went to Tampines One. And none of the clothes interest us.
Then, we went to Marina Square. Saw Cousin Bob. And the hot guy from G-star & Fusion dance perform!
*melts*
After a few rounds looking for Kai Jie formal clothes.
I decided to voice out my opinion on his dressing.
And we plan to buy Topman clothes instead of the formal ones next Tuesday.
Gosh. I really miss hanging out with Kai Jie.
Looking forward to go out with the F4!

Fireworks was great.

I miss talking to you!

2009-08-08T01:19:00.001+08:00

Player,
You & I got something in common :)

2009-08-07T19:36:00.000+08:00

The barrier I have created once was demolished.
And now I, I have created a new barrier.
This time I will make sure no one demolished this barrier.

Do you know you were the first person to demolish that barrier?
Whenever I am alone, that barrier will be gone.
Thinking of you..

2009-08-06T15:53:00.000+08:00

FCUK! I AM BEGINNING TO HATE MYSELF!

2009-08-02T21:02:00.000+08:00

I was chatting with 9 people at one go!
Sorry if I got wrong chat.
Anyways, I was laughing my ass off just now.
My friend turn me into a horny person!
Oh me gosh!

Anyways, I am tired of teaching E maths today.
So, I just have to wish good luck for my science practical tomorrow.
*pray hard*

Gosh! Why do some people have the wrong idea?
I don't have any feelings for any of my close Chinese guy friends!!
Just because I am close to them doesn't mean I like them!

I will be sleeping late today.
Tomorrow school starts late!

T.L,
There is someone special that I already care for.

2009-08-01T21:04:00.002+08:00

I am seriously pissed with her now.
Basically, I always listen to whatever she says ever since young.
I did whatever she ask me to.
Seriously, this is not the first time she talk to me about all those stupid crap!
Honestly speaking, I don't believe love exist between us!
What I am doing now is all because I feel that it is my responsibility as a daughter.
I only care for you. That's why I am doing whatever I think is right!

T.L,
I really appreciate if you stop wanting to know about my love life.
I only tell certain people about it and I am not who you really think I am.
I only see you as a normal friend. No more no less.
And yes, the personal message on my MSN always refer to a certain person.
Lastly, I don't hate anyone. Even though how bad that person is, I most of the time only think the good side of him or her.

2009-07-30T19:58:00.000+08:00

Today is a bad day for me.

This morning I felt that there is awkwardness between me & him.
I doubt I still love him, but.
I still care for him.
He will always remain in me.
He is not a friend, lover or an enemy.
He is just someone special.
I don't know why,
But my heart sometimes hurts thinking about him.

Anyways, I really feel like crying now.
First, I really scared I did badly for prelims.
I have been absent for 10 days due to fever.
I miss a lot of lesson.
And I don't know a lot of things.
Second, I can't forget the words he say yesterday.

Even though my emotions are taking over me now.
At least I can still study.
But I just keep feeling scared I did badly for my prelims.
I want to do well.
I got no more tuition.
I have to depend on myself.
Even if most of you say its just prelim.
To me it meant a lot because through prelim I know where I stand.

Oh gosh.
I really feel like crying the whole day.
Prelims is driving me crazy.
Someone talk to me.
I feel like crying.

2009-07-29T17:33:00.000+08:00

The clock is ticking.
And I still can't make my decision.
I don't really know what to do now.

I seriously need to talk to him .

2009-07-28T22:42:00.000+08:00

Oh me gosh.
I am addicted to KepadaNYA & Baby Come Back.
All thanks to Haj & nana((:

Today me & haj accompanied Farhanah go Bugis.
I spent a lot of money on food over there.
Gosh!
Anyways, thanks babes for finishing up my fries~
Head to Geylang and search for a bag.
But didn't buy one.
After that we went our separate ways.
Me & Haj went to Bedok Inter to help continue search for a 'better' bag.
And we found 2 for $25 so we decided to buy it.
Accompany Haj wait for her bus before heading home.
Tiring day! And yet got A maths hw.
This is the problem.
When I got an A maths hw.
Please don't ask me out.
I will be damn tired to ransack my brain to do A maths.
Right now I am stuck at Q6 after 1 hour.
I am really beginning to drop this subject!

aishiteru.iloveyou.saranghaeyo.

2009-07-28T19:28:00.000+08:00

iloveyou.
My personal message on MSN.
It really meant for someone.

I went to meet Mayat for a while.
Even though I don't feel like it.
He really said sweet words to me.
And guess what!
My heart was racing when he did something!
OH ME GOSH!
*slap*
Need to concentrate on my homework now!
Prelim is this Friday!
Mayat stop being romantic can?

Shall continue update later.
Want to do A maths!

2009-07-28T00:26:00.002+08:00

Did I ever mention I love to look at Mayat smile whenever he talks.
Just now went to meet him for a while.
Everything seems fine.
Surprisingly, he nak teman me go polyclinic tmr.
Sweet can..
Anyways, the way he bual ngan me is like mataer.
And me act malu-malu to talk to him.
Haha. Macam nak sepak muka!
Bual kat phone rancak tapi bila meet jer malu-malu.
Well, its been like that even the last time we meet.
He told me to bring my A-maths homework down.
He nak teman me until I finish my homework.
But I told him to balik and teman me otp instead.
I just don't want him to waste money on a taxi fare later.
Haha. Ok lah. Shall continue with my A maths homework.

Shall blog when I have the time.

2009-07-26T23:21:00.000+08:00

You made me speechless again.

It's not that,
I don't care for you,
I do.
But I can't give you,
What you want from me.
I need time,
Sorry.

You don't want us to be in a relationship.
You just want us to be Special Person towards each other.

Guy, you just gave me a heartache.
Tears, kept falling when I was on the phone with you.

2009-07-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

Get well soon Pei Wen!
Basically today my group mates and I did the English project.
Leonid: Oh my god! You look different!
Me got blur
John: Yeah, you look different.
Leonid: You look much more beautiful than how you look at school.
Me: Oh, umm. Thanks
I went to ask the guys
Me: How do I look at school?
Both: Nerd
John: You really look better when outside.
Basically, I cant believe I look like a nerd at school! Among all things, I look like a NERD!
I went home and ask my family and they gave me the same answer! *pfft* Never mind.

Anyways, Leonid got a chinchilla(don't know how to spell it)and its very cute AND EXPENSIVE! It cost like $400! Me gosh. After two hours, we complete the project, like FINALLY! Went home. Then, in the bus on my way home got this guy ask if we can be friends and exchange numbers. I don't know what came over me. I just told him I got a matair. And he still like want to make friend with me. Luckily, Mayat call me saying that he needs to talk to me at night. So basically right now I am on the phone with him and things aren't really good. Shall continue posting later

2009-07-25T23:41:00.003+08:00

I guess nana((: and haj [jafar] is right.
I changed. A lot.
Its nice to have friends like them.
So, have I revert to my old self?
Or am I still the Hidayah changed?

2009-07-25T21:50:00.002+08:00

I wasn't in a good mood when she start talking to me.
And all the problems just came to me.
I felt like talking to him.
But of course I can't.
*sigh*

Even though I didn't have much of a reaction.
Whatever you said on the phone just now,
Really shocked me.
And perhaps you are right.
I am a coward and stubborn.
*sigh*
I want to run away from you,
But yet I couldn't.
Instead, you made me come closer to you, Mayat...

Now, Diana knows who is Mayat..
Sorry darl's,
I shall keep myself silent until I feel like telling you guys who Mayat is.
*winks*

2009-07-25T18:47:00.004+08:00

[Love this photo! Franco head look so BIG]*tsktsk*

24 July 2009
Went out with Franco to Orchard and Somerset.
Everything was great until I had a toothache and had a hard time to talk.
Anyways, we took bus 36 to go home.
Me being so smart told him to drop at the bus stop after St Patrick School.
We had to take a 20 mins walk to get to the bus stop where there is bus 12!!~
I was damn tired when I reached home..
Luckily I bought Subway cookies!
Yeays!

Craving for Mee Bandung!!!

25 July 2009
It is obvious that I care for Mayat.
But I am not sure if I love him or not.
Oh, whatever!
Better concentrate on studies.
Prelims is just next Friday.
Wish me luck!
To Mayat:
Thanks for being caring even though you are sick!
Take care alrights.
(I will be accompanying Mayat to see doctor, me gosh!)
*Already put a photo for blog, next is a song!!~

2009-07-23T21:54:00.000+08:00

Today's post will be nonsense~
Sorry Mayat for not having the mood lately. I am not avoiding you neither you did anything wrong. It is just that I need to spent some time alone.
Its seriously is hard to put on a happy face when you are feeling very down in the inside.

Anyways, thanks to my friends for the concern. And sorry to make you guys worried because of me being emo and not wanting to speak out.
But like I said, I am having a hard time wanting to talk to the one whom I trust the most due to some stupid promises being made.

Tomorrow I will be going shopping with a friend of mine. Sort of looking forward to it but I am afraid that I will spoil the happy atmosphere. Haix~

Currently, doing A-maths now.
Hmm, Mayat was right. Whenever I am feeling down I will tend to study the subjects that I dislike (A-maths, science, humantities). Oh me gosh~! Mayat stop being observent can?
By the way, some of you must be thinking who is Mayat.. Haha~ Actually most of you know him already but if you still can't guess who it is. I will reveal about him one day ^^v

2009-07-22T21:27:00.000+08:00

Oh dear! It seems that I have spread my virus to Mayat!! Haha~ Sorry~ Get well soon ok? If not, I won't go out with you.. *bluehx*

I just don't know why.. But I seem to mind what you think about me..

2009-07-21T16:48:00.000+08:00

Oh me gosh~
I bhought Teenage magazine..
AND AND AND~ BOYS OVER FLOWERS IS THE POSTER OF THE MONTH~~
WOOOO BIIINNN!!!!!
HOHOS~
Happy~
Cheersss!!
*wink*

2009-07-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

What happen today totally upsets me.
I didn't expect her to enter my private life.
All this is my fault too.
For keeping all those messages.
But seriously, even though if we are blood related.
Please respect me that I need privacy in life!

Thanks Farhanah a.k.a nana((: and Abang~

2009-07-17T23:39:00.000+08:00

Selama ini kau masih ku simpan di hati,
Perasaan rindu sentiasa ada dalam diriku,
Siang malam wajah mu terpaut di mataku,
Ku ihklas menyayangi mu..

Ku terfikir bahawa ku masih ada dalam dirimu..
Ku tak sangka bahawa ada orang lain yang telah memasuki duniamu..
Seorang gadis yang lebih anggun dariku..
Adakah gadis itu akan mencintaimu lebih dariku?

Perasaan cemburu,
Marah,
Bermain di hatiku,
Namun tiada apa-apa yang bolehku lakukan..

Aku harap kau akan berbahagia bersama dia..
Maafkan ku kerna masih mencintaimu..
Namamu akan masih ku ukirkan dalam hatiku..
Selama-lamanya..
Selamat tinggal sayang..

2009-07-17T19:16:00.000+08:00

To LSF:
You are still a teenager..
It is okay to be confuse..
It is okay to make mistakes..
It is okay for you to be hurt..
No one is useless..
Neither is there anyone who is perfect..
When life is hard,
And you had tough times..
Stay strong and positive..
Through all these,
You will become a better person..
I know that there are a lot of changes in your life..
Which cause you to get hurt..
Crying and being pessimistic,
Will not solve any problem..
Right now, I can still be by your side listening to you..
But once I leave Bedok View, you will have to stand on your own feet...
So please be strong when I am still here...
*Do you know that sometimes when you argue with your own friends, you tend to understand them more?

2009-07-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

Mayat accompanied me study just now..
And it wasn't helpful at all..
Can't concentrate!!..

Mayat was sooo beylo..
That we just kept laughing..
Gosh~
But thanks to that I am able to study with full energy now~
I miss going out with Mayat!
Looking forward to hang out together again~
XD

Thanks for the advice dead guy
*winks* haha

2009-07-15T11:42:00.000+08:00

.........
Oh me gosh~
I won't be going to school for this whole week!

2009-07-14T21:25:00.000+08:00

Did I mention that I love when he smile showing his teeth..
And his hair..?!?
Basically, I just love every single thing about him..
okok, lets cut the crap..

I think, I will missing school tomorrow again~
Sorie babe's and darl's..
And to those who smsed and called me..
Thanks for being caring..

He called me today..
I just could not tell him the truth..
I am confuse.. I don't know what is right and wrong now..
I don't know who to side..
*sigh*

Going to watch some videos now~

2009-07-14T11:21:00.000+08:00

Basically I slept the whole day yesterday..
I better get well soon~
My O level oral is being postpone, thanks to my fever!~
Still having the headaches now.. Feel like sleeping again..
Omg~

My temperature is rising~

2009-07-12T21:30:00.007+08:00

Bestie,
I really hope you understand my situation..
I do care for you..
But I can't be there for you in the moment,
I can't hang out, have fun or help you now..
I need you to understand my situation..
I want to do the best for my future..
Right now I am also coping with my own problems..
You are the closest to me,
And you should know what I am going through..
I know I have broken promises between us,
And I really feel guilty about it..
But I have my own reason for breaking those promises..
When the time is right,
I shall explain everything to you..
Sorry

Now I realise that there is something common between us..

2009-07-12T10:03:00.000+08:00

Oh me gosh!~~
So damn pissed with him right now!!!
I can't believe he can still argue with me!
Everybody is busy! And everybody have their own problems!

1st excuse: I was busy studying for the upcoming prelims.
Like hellooo!! Who isn't busy!?!
Prelims is in 2 weeks time..
John is busy this weekend due to Church activities..
Both of us got MT oral this coming Monday..
And F.Y.I.. You didn't even take MT! So who is much more busy??

2nd excuse: I am having problems and got no mood to do it.
HAH! Everybody have their own problems..
That day our group members called me saying that they got no mood..
Even though their research was not good enough at least they make the effort to do it!
Go and finish up the damn project and I will listen to your whining later!
And its not only you who is having the heartbroken right now! Sheesh~

Thanks to you everything is being delayed!
And seriously I was shock! You told me that I wasn't being a good leader..
We were only given 3 days to finish up the project! And each of us just have to do research for 1 and 1/2 days.. I am giving enough time ok! I gave out most of the ideas, I need to organise all the research into the brouchure and all you need to do is just research! How hard can that job be!?

I didn't slept the whole night..
Kept practising for my upcoming oral..
And also did some physics..
I feel veryy tired right now..
But yet I still can't sleep..
Panda eyes on me~! @_@"

2009-07-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

Kekasih,
Pertama kali engkau hadir di dalam duniaku,
Aku tahu bahawa segalanya akan berubah.
Hatiku telah dikunci dan tidak akan ke mana-mana,
Kerna kunci itu sekarang milikmu.
Dan jika kunci itu hilang satu hari nanti,
Aku berjanji bahawa tiada orang lain yang dapat menjelajahi kehidupanku.
Tiada siapa yang dapat mengganti dirimu; engkaulah kekasihku.
Tanpa dirimu di sisiku siapalah diriku ini.
Ketika aku bersendirian, terasa kesunyian yang membelahi ku.
Engkau sebagai lilin yang menerangi perjalananku.
Aku ingin menggunakan kesempatan masa yang tersingkat ini,
Untuk meluahkan segalanya dari lubuk hatiku.
Diri ini benar, tulus menyintaimu sayang..

Dulu pernah ku menghantarkan mesej ini pada mu..
Tidak pernah sekali aku membenci mu..
Tidak pernah sekali aku melupakan mu..
Kerna hati ini akan selalu mencintakan mu..
Dan akan tetap merindui mu..
Hati ku yang dikunci ini masih milikmu..
I masih sayangkan you, Muhammad Khaalis..
You are everything to me..